The Clash might have been singing about love, but when debating the next step in my life, the refrain of this song resounds inside my head. Growing up, I craved freedom and scorned the entrapment of youth that relinquished my power to choose and decide. I saw the adult world as an epiphany and berth of climatic exaltation of liberation; what I missed was how provisional that freedom actually is.
I’ve been actively pursuing new employment opportunities for six months. I have had some offers, but nothing to foster the career I strive for. All the while during my pursuit, there has been the draw of indulging in a short term escape from the menial tasks I churn away at each day and fulfilling my dreams of trekking through
SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?
If I stay, I can continue to hunt for a new job while refining the façade of a successful adult in my current role: building a 401K, growing my savings account, moving up within my current company, stability, etc. I can continue to carry out all the precepts of success yet not in any way feeding my soul or succumbing to my dreams. If I go, I risk losing all stability, but finally satisfying that faction of my heart, mind and soul that yearns to break out and do something against the grain. That part of me that craves adventure over stability and originality over conformity is melting as I seep deeper and deeper into pragmatic adulthood.
IF I GO THERE WILL BE TROUBLE
AND IF I STAY IT WILL BE DOUBLE
And thus is my predicament: perhaps in 15 years I will have the finances to take a longer stint to travel and explore, but my personal obligations might conflict and prevent me from going. As of now, most arrows, save for the piggy bank, point to GO. But money talks, and my piggy bank has a lot to say.
ESTA INDECISIÓN ME MOLESTA.